It has happened to me. After nearly 3 years of recovery I relapsed and I’m fully addicted and physically dependant on heroin again. I don’t know what to do, I’m so ashamed of myself. None of my friends or family knows that I am using. My fiancé does not even know and she is in recovery too. I tried to quit a week ago, I made it 3 days but on the 4th day I was overwhelmed by anxiety and panic attacks. The only way I could relieve the panic attack was by using. I want help but I don’t know where to turn. I work at a small company and they don’t offer any health insurance benefits. Without any insurance I cant even get into detox or treatment. I’m so afraid to get honest with family friends because they will want me to stop immediately and get help, but where will I be able to get the help. I know the sooner I get honest the better but I can’t bring myself to do it. I finally got sober when I was 29 and I was so happy that when I turned 30 I was in recovery and I believed I would never go back to using. In two weeks I’ll be turning 32 years old and in the throws of addiction. I truly want to recover again and I want the process to begin as soon as possible. But with the herion I can’t just stop it’s not that simple no matter how strong my desire. I live in Minneapolis mn with my fiancé in our first home we bought last year. We have worked so hard In recovery to overcome challenges resulting from our past. For example I have a criminal record several pages long and struggle to find work. After a year of recovery my current employer took a chance on me and offered me a great job and a respectable salary. I fear now that I have relapsed it will cost me my job and eventually even lose my house and fiancé.
Any suggestions?
